A wild slim alien


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Birds [j]

I don’t remember when in my life I first became aware of birds.  Do any of us?  And yet they are a common experience to us all, rich or poor, city or countryside, north, south, east or west.  We must as children simply take them for granted, their chorus at dawn, the chatter through the day, their hush at night, broken only by the hooting of owls.  Perhaps we were fascinated by the hopping and pecking of sparrows, or wary of the gulls when they got too close for comfort on a beach.  Maybe our sense of wonder matched David Attenborough’s as he presented us with the extraordinary wattle of Temminck’s tragopan, or our imaginations were caught up in Tippi Hedren’s panic and terror as the birds gathered around her in Hitchcock’s film.  Or perhaps we simply had a father or a mother who liked to point out the birds in our garden and tell us what they were.

I didn’t have that, but I suppose my daughter does.  She’ll engage or roll her eyes, according to mood.  She likes to see them feed from the half-coconuts outside the kitchen window.  Dead birds are definitely interesting.  A tit beheaded by a sparrowhawk or a siskin’s neck snapped through collision with a window.  Both of those we buried.  Like the seemingly innate ruthlessness of the cuckoo, the sparrowhawk shows us that they have no scruples, that survival instinct rather than morals is what binds nests or flocks of them together.  But how hard it is not to think nature is inherently good when you wake to a dawn chorus.  In Cormac McCarthy’s The road, as much as anything else it is the absence of birdlife which renders his post-apocalyptic world terrible.

How then did I make my way to birds?  It was a small hop from the trees, I suppose.  Originally, from words, words printed on paper made from the wood of the selfsame trees.  From wanting to be a writer and believing that a writer should be able to describe the world, should be able to say which flowers are growing as characters pass across a wasteland or through a formal garden, which trees line an avenue in France down which they cycle, or, as a narrator soliloquizes about his life from the hard comfort of a picnic table, which bird has landed at his elbow.  From making this effort I know a little bit more than I otherwise might, but I still feel an ignoramus in front of the vast variety of the natural world.

But I keep perusing field guides and checklists, and as I have done with trees, perhaps I could also outline my life using the birds which have flown through it.  Sparrows, pheasants, and pigeons.  Herons, peafowl, and Canada geese.  Red-crested pochards, tufted ducks and coots.  Blackbirds, crows, and great tits.  Nightingales, of course.  Murmurations of starlings, tidings of magpies.  There has been the odd Garrulus glandarius too.

Keep your eyes peeled for birds with a twitcher’s intensity and you’ll see things you’ve never seen before.  Red kites soaring on updraughts where a plain meets a line of hills.  Falco subbuteo – the hobby – emerging from an abandoned crow’s nest to fly like a Brazilian footballer dribbles.  A charm or flutter of greenfinch chasing each other in and out of a hedgerow.

Near where I work there is a park and at its centre, an aviary.  I don’t much care for birds in cages, but we will insist on putting them there, and I suppose it is another means by which children come to know birds.  The other day I was circling this aviary and I saw two cockatiels copulating.  The male’s cheek was no more blushed with colour than it usually is.  The sex was rough and short-lived.  The female flew off as soon as it was over; no endless turtledove cooing here.  I wished the cockatiels an uncaged life back among their native Australian trees.  One in which they could stretch their wings whenever they wanted and raise their young to live free.


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Char [t]

He became voracious, obsessive even, in his desire for novel savours.  A week never passed in which no new brew passed his lips.  Long gone were days of yore when all he drank was Earl Grey or Assam.  Now he quaffed far beyond even Lapsang souchong: high grade Rooibos or floral Manuka on honeyed, sunny mornings; herbal infusions such as fennel or lemon and ginger cleansed away a spicy lunch; while evenings saw him imbibe Masala chai or blackberry.  Office colleagues placing mugs under a samovar’s drip would likely consider him weird – a ponce, even – if he revealed how far his obsession ranged, how imperiously dismissive of cheap brews and milk he had become, so universally was such a sorry commonplace held: char was char.

Of course, come mid-morning or four o’clock, his preferred leaves were connoisseur brews: scrunched green gunpowder; hand-rolled Darjeeling, pale and mellow; hand-picked Nilgiri Orange Pekoe; and famous makes of Chinese ‘black dragon’ oolong hailing from Wuyi in Fujian province: Red Robe, Iron Monk, Cassia, Narcissus.  Noble and dangerous names which leisurely he unfurled in his mind; leaves he imagined picking in landscapes his eyes had never seen.

Some kinds he despised – he forbore from naming such cheap or queer-smelling brews. (Camomile was one; a brand famous less for savour and more for chimpanzees, a second.)  Like any obsessive, he disliked as hard as he loved, and you should know he would kill for a rare pack of Junshan Yinzhen yellow, allegedly beloved of Chairman Mao Zedong.

Before long he was mixing his own brews from leaves expensively purchased online.  He even essayed growing his own, a labour of love where a union of Camellia sinensis and Yorkshire’s growing season was concerned.  Success was variable; however, he was proud of his home-brewed Bai Mu Dan, whose fresh spring buds and baby leaves he had himself dried.  He ceremonially shared his inaugural bowl.  She much preferred coffee, and only acquiesced for love of him.  On occasion she feared he may be blinded by his obsession, wondered indeed if he was losing his mind; if char were peerless, life and she a mere second.  However, she had never wished him gone, would never cede him, even if someone offered her every leaf of char in China.  Caffeine junkie she may be – no force was required in drawing from her an admission of his calling: he had produced and brewed an unsurpassable cuppa.


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Out of body [i]

Paula Weald had lost the means whereby she could conjure a sense of the person she was. Her ego was sorely taxed and self-observance had gone beyond a joke. Every day, she seemed to succumb to wound or trauma, and the only escape open to her was to leave her body. Detached then were her eyeballs and Paula knew not how she would be able to return those orbs to the sockets that usually housed and shuttered them. They floated free, roved above Paula’s head, former seekers of adventure and beauty now reduced to speechless autoscopy.

She had been a woman who never saw a handsome man that she couldn’t help but love the guy some; now she rose up above herself and the men she met and all she could see was the quarrelsome tangle of her curls and the spread of male pattern baldness. The faces were lost to her, as hers was to them. Nor could she puzzle out how she would become once more a person who looked out from – rather than down on – the body whose flesh and bone had once kept her heart warm. The phenomenon was a conundrum, for sure. The problem was momentous; the answer, one of moments. Moments slowly grown back together, become one. Whole; the self served.